I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
