so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
