giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize