I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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