i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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