Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know you're old when youβre masturbating and you pull your hip
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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