My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize