after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
