Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
