Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
