Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
