girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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