this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
