We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize