It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
