What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
