she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
