guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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