that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
