had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
