I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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