I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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