the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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