Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
did i walk over a car last night?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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