im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just want to make out with him forever
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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