and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
