i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
