Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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