why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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