apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize