i will never coherently bang her
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
