I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
