Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
