He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
