Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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