Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
