the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
