So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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