you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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