your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
