I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
