i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize