youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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