Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
