You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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