i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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