Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
