He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
