Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
