He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
