is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
