so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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