so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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