Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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