I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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