we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
