the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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