Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
