you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
