I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
