I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
