dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
