Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
