This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
