i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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