I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
