After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I accidentally burped into my bong.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
