i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
