just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
