You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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