Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
