so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
