2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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