Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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