You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
