fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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