My friends, they love my intelligence
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
