who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
