he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
