You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We just shotgunned beers for America
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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