Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
