i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
PS: I just woke up from my shower
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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