I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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