READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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