I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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