Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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