So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize