lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
