the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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