My nipple is on Facebook.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
