His pubic hair was longer than his dick
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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