I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
