I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize