Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
