I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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