dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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