Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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