I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
