I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
