i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
