I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
