What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
