If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
