i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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