do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
