I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
