he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
