ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
