I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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