I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
