I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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